Is This Thing On?

I don't know about you, but I can't recall a single pearl of wisdom the commencement speaker shared with me and my classmates at my high school graduation.

Some dude in a tie showed up and talked.

That's all I know.

I remember sitting in a sea of people on our school’s football field, sweating in unmentionable places while the speaker droned on, and I searched the crowd for my parents, who were hard to miss with the signs they held made of neon poster board.

Let's have a show of hands.

How many of you folks remember anything your high school commencement speaker said?

Just as I figured. I'm not seeing a lot of fingers in the air. The reason for this is that most commencement addresses don't come with practical tips.

Oh sure, they give you lofty counsel, such as go forth and prosper, which is nice...but worthless. Where's the real-life, you’ll-thank-me-later guidance?

Usually there is none, which leads me to my point – and yes, I do have one.

With local high school graduations recently come and gone, I thought I should pass along my words of wisdom to our seniors, so they'll have some information they can actually use. Here's what I would tell 'em, if they had been lucky enough to have me as their speaker.

Ahem....

First things first: Listen. What people say is important for, in most cases, the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

The secret to being able to admit your mistakes is to do it soon. The longer it goes, the harder it gets.

Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say – so, speak up….now.

Remember that getting a tattoo is like a snake: it's a lot easier to get it on you than it is to get it off you.

You can't choose the ways in which you'll be tested in this life, so be ready.

Nothing is ever as simple as we hope it will be. Nothing.

Knowing is easy; saying it aloud is the hard part. But don’t be afraid.

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. Trust me on this one.

Lying is done with words but also with silence. Watch their eyes.

Leaving is easier than being gone, but you’ll be stronger for it.

The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught. Look within, and you’ll see what I mean.

All people are a bundle of contradictions – including you.

Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at night. Don’t be startled by the memories that greet you in the dark, the ones that show up right before you fall asleep.

Generosity with strings is not generosity; it's a deal. Make sure you know.

Advice is what people ask for when they already know the answer but wish they didn’t. Don’t ask for it – and don’t give it. You know. They know. We all know. Deal with it and move on.

Sometimes memory is a seductive liar. Don’t be fooled.

What we see depends on what we’re looking for. Don’t see what’s not there – but don’t miss what is.

All that really belongs to us is time; even she who has nothing else has that.

The tragedy of the second lie is that it is always easier to tell than the first. And those who tell white lies soon grow colorblind.

The hardest learned lesson: people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. Accept it, learn to live with it…or move on. You will not change them. Trust me. I tried.

No matter how busy people are, they're never too busy to talk to you about how busy they are.

There is as much difference between us and ourselves as between us and others. The years will prove this.

It is easier to stay out than to get out. This is true of relationships, jobs, and cell phone contracts.

For some moments in life, there are no words. So, shut up…and just be.

It can indeed be argued that love is blind, but there will be times when your sight is instantly restored. You will know when this happens.

The years teach us patience – the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.

There is an adrenaline that comes with attention that is seductive and dangerous. Be careful.

It is easy to say the right thing at the appropriate time, but it is far more difficult to leave unsaid that wrong thing at the tempting moment. This is particularly true when dealing with…well…everybody.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Trust me on this one, too.

Keep in mind that choosing between right and wrong is easy when the wrong in question virtually hisses its malevolence, and the good all but glows angelically. But most calls are far closer – often agonizingly so – and few of us live our lives by a scheme of rigidities that brooks no allowance for circumstances. Always look at the big picture.

Rest satisfied with doing well and leave others to talk of you as they please. Their opinion of you is none of your business. It’s their problem, not yours.

Life has a well-founded urgency. Time slips. Days pass. Years fade. And life ends. So, breathe...let go...and remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.

Thank you…and goodnight.